WE SAID OUR “DO’S” AND WE SAID OUR “DON’TS”

by Greg Cummings

A newspaper article told of an Israeli man who died in jail after refusing for decades to say three simple words necessary to divorce his wife. Those words were, “I am willing.” The man, Mr. Abraham, died at age 81 after having been separated from his wife for 42 years. In 1950, the Rabbis granted a divorce to Ora, his wife, but for it to become valid the law required Mr. Abraham to say, “l am willing.” When he refused, he was put in prison. That was decades ago! There he remained jailed, maintaining his vow to keep his estranged wife married to him until the end. Over a year before his death it was recognized that he had become senile and incapable of uttering the three magic words. Still, he remained jailed because, as his wife said, “No one would dare take him out of prison without my agreement.” She never went to visit him and when she was informed of his death she said, “That’s it. It’s over.” Ironically, since they were still legally married at the time of his death, she was obligated to observe seven days of mourning!

We’d like to think Mr. Abraham refused to grant the divorce because of his deep love for his wife or due to respect for the institution of marriage, but somehow I doubt it. I suspect Mr. and Mrs. Abraham hated each other. It happens more than you think. People have enough religion to keep them from divorcing but not enough to cause them to act like good marriage partners.

The final granting of the divorce decree is not what destroys a marriage. Marriages are ruined by all the garbage that collects between “I do” and “I don’t anymore.” Refusing to file for divorce does not keep a marriage holy in God’s sight and staying married even though you can’t stand each other misses the point. God’s goal is good marriage. Religious pretension may keep us in a marriage that has gone to pot, but our Christianity ought to make us improve it. It is in our best interest. Divorce is forgiven like any other sin, but its effects are much more devastating than most. While the same grace that erases other sins erases the sin of divorce, it does not erase the pain or consequences.

I heard about a couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. When the festivities were over, the woman turned to her husband and said, “We’ve been miserable for 50 years. We’ve fought every day. We’ve disagreed on nearly everything, and I am convinced that we can’t keep going like this. I have made a commitment to pray that God will solve this problem by calling one of us home.” She went on to add, “And when he answers my prayer, I’m moving to Grand Rapids to live with my sister.”

Bashing divorced people is not my goal. Dissuading married couples from ever considering divorce is. And our best chance for avoid-ing divorce is avoiding the trash that causes it.

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