SPIRIT: SKILLS AND PERSPECTIVES FOR INTIMATE RELATIONSHIPS IN TRUTH

WRAPPING IT UP

by Mikal Frazier, LMFT, LPC

“Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter: Fear God and keep his commandments, for this is the whole duty of man. For God will bring every deed into judgment, including every hidden thing, whether it is good or evil.” Ecclesiastes 12:13,14.

It cannot be said better. This is the conclusion of the matter. In everything I do I must ask, “Is this what God would have me do?” This is my whole duty.

In Titus 2 verses 2 and 4 we find that loving others is to be learned. As I am writing the last article for this series and I am considering passages which speak of learning to love, it occurs to me that the entire message of the Word of God is an instruction in loving. 2 Timothy 3:16 says, “All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work..”

1 John 4:29 — “We love Him because He first loved us.” He was the example. He showed us how to love. He taught us!

Is it any wonder that when all else has failed, some are now deciding that we can learn skills to love one another, particularly in the marriage relationship? Recognition of this fact gave birth to the marriage education movement. These articles have been an effort to share skills and perspectives, which need to be learned in order to have the kind of marriage God intended.

In the first column of this series, I referred to the four dimensions that have been identified by Scott Stanley as crucial areas for education in prevention of divorce. God has provided guidance in each of these areas.

Following are the four dimensions and a Godly approach to each:

1. Communication. Recognizing that all behavior is communication, as God tells us how to behave towards one another, he is telling us how to communicate with one another. Titus 2: 2-4: “Teach the older men to be temperate, worthy of respect, self-controlled, and sound in faith, in love and in endurance. Likewise, teach the older women…. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”

2. Conflict management: Ephesians 4:26,27: “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” We are not to avoid or attack one another, but we are to approach one another, even in the difficult times.

3. Attitudes and beliefs. Only God can give us the peace and joy we long for, Galatians 5:22. We often come to marriage with the belief that in this relationship we will find total fulfillment. Only a relationship with a loving savior can provide this blessing. Then from this gift we can give out of our fullness and be the spouse God would have us be.

4. Big meanings of things. These are the core beliefs pertaining to faith and commitment. Titus 2:11-13 says: “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say ~No” to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and godly lives in this present age, while we wait for the blessed hope–the glorious appearing of our great God and Savior, Jesus Christ.”

That’s the beginning and the end of it. We are here awaiting his glorious appearing. Nothing else matters. This hope tempers everything we do, especially in our marriages. We are committed to one another because of this hope.

Tell your friends they can subscribe by sending a message to with the Subject line SUBSCRIBE FAMILY