Clergy/Leaders’ Mail-list No. 1-032 (Family Issues)

MARRIAGE NOT DIVORCE IS OUR FOCUS

by Michael O’Brien

Text: Mark 10:2-16

God calls us to have a wonderful relationship with him and with each other in this world. So his call is to constantly address the question of: Are our relationships healthy?

The important aspect of marriage that we should focus on here is not just marriage but Christian marriage and how it differs from what others in the world may think. Christian marriage has a very high ideal. When a couple come to me for marriage one of the things I point out very clearly is that Christian marriage is to have the nature of Christ about it.

Jesus lived on this earth, served and died for us that we may be raised with him in glory. So our marriages are to have that nature about them. Are you prepared to lay down your life for your husband or wife? That is the nature of the love we are to have for each other. And if the answer is no then how do we really, concretely and physically think we are reflecting the love of God in our marriages. We are called to give of ourselves for others, and especially be giving in marriage.

A comic strip said a lot about the world’s view of marriage:- One character said, “You know, it’s odd – but now that I’m actually engaged I’m starting to feel nervous about getting married!” The other character replied, “I know what you’re thinking. It’s only natural to be nervous! Marriage is a big commitment. Seven or eight years can be a long time!”

How different this is to the Christian awareness, that it is for life! To death do us part. As I often say to couples this is very serious you may be married for sixty years. Make sure this is the right decision. If they are twenty and they live to eighty as seems to be more and more possible, how different our approach is from some in the world who see it as so temporary. This temporary approach denies the human tie that is never broken and the divine plan for us.

This Gospel starts as another controversy story where the Pharisees are trying to trip up Jesus. And as usual Jesus refuses the terms of the Pharisees but deals with it from God’s will. They ask what is ‘lawful’ or ‘allowed’ Jesus answers what is ‘commanded’. Jesus is concerned with the will of God, they appear to only be concerned with their own rights and how much they can get away with.

So while the text they use supports divorce from Deuteronomy Jesus replies with the will of God from the creation story. So Jesus uses one text against another, opposing scripture to scripture. What is a trap, becomes a means of teaching. Divorce is grounded in law but marriage in creation.

Jesus moves the discussion from legalism to gift and grace- which is more demanding and more free. Moses allowed this because of your hardness, not because it was the will of God or because it is good. Divorce laws are necessary because we will not learn from God or one another. But Jesus will not have us believe that God approves these qualities in us, or the rupture of human relationships that they entail. Instead as Jesus always does, he points us to the goodness of God’s design.

Jesus in the second part acknowledges that the divine purpose in marriage is not always achieved. So we have the ‘in house’ teaching for the disciples. It assumes an equality as each can divorce, as in Roman but not Jewish law. Jesus is saying that the legal contract can be un-done, but you can not un-live the vital ties created by life together in marriage, however painful they may be.

Jesus does not legislate. He rather recognises the pain of people who are suffering from divorce. We are not to be selfish or easy about the marriage relationship. Jesus words are still challenging to us today, we are to live distinctive lives.

As we look at the third part of this Gospel today on children we notice how indignant and upset Jesus is with the idea of children being excluded from the gracious love of God. They are special, they have a very important part in the Kingdom that is not to be denied to them. Mark shows that this specialness is given by a blessing for them. This is the origin of the Anglican practice of the priest blessing those children who come to communion but who do not receive communion.

They are not forgotten, they are important to the family of the church. But also Jesus is saying that the way children are dependant and need support from their parents, is a metaphor for all who enter the Kingdom of God. The essential point is not humility as in Matthew, nor innocence, but ‘receive like a child’.

The Gospel reminds us that marriage is of huge significance for people. Yes there are problems that the reality of life encounters, and we need to deal with them caringly, but we must not shape our understanding of marriage by the problems as the Pharisees did, rather our focus is on the will of God and how we can encourage marriage. We should give thanks for Mothers Union and see how we can introduce many others to this worthy Christian group to support and encourage people in their marriage rather than simply dealing with the collapse afterwards.

Again we are reminded we are not saved by our works of correctness, or right path, but we are saved by the grace of God, we all fall short of God’s desire for us all. In marriage and all our relationships we need to have equality, respect and service to each other that we may reflect the loving nature of God demonstrated for us in the death and resurrection of our Lord Jesus Christ. And like children we are dependant on the support and grace we receive from God for our life and our marriages.

Father your Son demonstrated the way of love, guide us in our marriages and all our relationships that they may reflect your way. Amen

Notes:

FROM FIRST PARA: Of course the most important relationship on earth to start with is the relationship between husband and wife. If this is not healthy then any children suffer as does society. What is marriage?

The Para before textual work: People come to marriage and ask “what’s in it for me?” They are asking the wrong question. It is really about “How can we deepen our life together in God”. The question is not what will I get out of it, but rather “How can we serve each other?”

Fr Michael O’Brien <>