By David Sanders

We are currently seeking applicants for a divine role in the work force. Very little experience is needed, as you will have complete “on-the-job” training. Must be willing to work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Patience is a must. We will start you out doing some heavy lifting and carrying for about 9 months after which you will be asked to suffer extreme pain for a few hours. You will then move on to the “parent” part of our program, where you will teach, nurture, and care for little children. After they have become independent, you will be on call for the rest of your life to rescue burning chickens, save loads of laundry, lend a listening ear, etc. Pay is minimal, but the eternal rewards are priceless. Men need not apply, as they have not the skills needed for such a job.