MODERN SOCIETY AND OUR CHILDREN

David Elkind in ‘The Hurried Child’ writes: ‘It is children’s right to be children, to enjoy the pleasures of childhood. In the end, a childhood is the most basic human right of children.’ ‘Hurried children are forced to take on the physical, psychological, and social trappings of adulthood before they are prepared to deal with them We expect them to cope with an increasingly bewildering social environment – divorce, single parenting, homosexuality. Through all these pressures the child senses that it is important for him or her to cope without admitting the confusion and pain that accompany such changes. Like adults, they are made to feel they must be survivors, and surviving means adjusting – even if the survivor is only four, six or eight years old.’ In summary, Elkind believes modern society is doing its best to rob children of their childhood. Neil Postman in his book ‘The Disappearance of Childhood’ makes a similar point: the media have broken down most of the distinctions between children and adults.

# More girls are dying of anorexia – trying to obtain the perfect body – in this generation than any other.

# Children can see anything you can imagine on the World Wide Web – and to a lesser extent on daytime cable TV, and videos.

# A sex therapist said recently that life is becoming like a peepshow for children. The job of parents and teachers to protect children from gratituitous sex and violence is becoming harder.

# A news report spoke of binge drinking resulting in blackouts for a third of all 13 and 14-year-olds. 100,000 Australian children take up smoking each year. One in four year-11 girls have considered suicide.

# Another study found that 10 to 17 year olds are the ideal consumers, with an average disposable weekly income of $40+.

CHILDREN AND FAMILIES

God puts children into families/communities for four reasons: to learn to be loved unconditionally; to develop a sense of belonging; to experience giving back to the family – at all ages; and to develop discipline and a sense of responsibility. According to the Bible there is a cosmic conspiracy to make all these things conditional. (Discuss).

A client of mine is a psychotherapist. She has developed a paradigm of conditional/unconditional love and hate which quantifies the effects of these experiences. Imagine a vertical and horizontal axis crossing one another. In the top left hand corner is conditional hate. Whenever a child hears ‘You’re no good because’ ‘I hate you because’ from a significant other, take off 200 self-esteem points! In the bottom left hand corner is unconditional hate: when a child hears someone of significance say ‘I hate you I wish you had never been born’ take off 1000 self-esteem points. In the top right hand corner is conditional love: ‘I love/esteem you because’ – add 50 self-esteem points. Finally, unconditional love: ‘I love you whatever happens and nothing will ever change that’ – add 100 self-esteem points. The cumulative total is the amount of self-esteem a child takes into adulthood!.

CHILD DEVELOPMENT

After studying children for 60 years Jean Piaget (1896-1980) concluded: ‘Children not only reason differently from adults, but have different world views, literally different philosophies.’ Children master logical thought in predictable developmental stages. An example: until age five or six, most children think that six pennies stacked up are quantitatively less than when they are spread in a row. By age seven or eight, almost all children understand that the number hasn’t changed, no matter how they’re arranged. The very young may believe the moon follows them when they go for a walk, dreams come in through the window at night, and that all moving things, including ocean waves and fluttering flags, are alive. The young child’s notion of justice takes into account the damage done rather than the intentions of the offender (thus the child” objective morality and the parent’s subjective one is at the heart of much parent-child conflict). According to Piaget there are four stages of mental growth. In the first two years of life, the child is primarily concerned with learning about physical objects; in the next four or five years, he or she is preoccupied with symbols, in language, dreams and fantasy. From age six or seven to about twelve, the child moves on into the abstract, mastering numbers and relationships and how to reason about them. Finally, from age twelve to 15, the youngster has ‘ideas about ideas’, and can ‘think about his own thinking’ and that of others.

IMAGINATION

# A small child drawing ‘Adam and Eve being driven out of the Garden of Eden’ showed God as the chauffeur!

Children love crazy ideas – what Dr. Seuss called ‘logical insanity.’ (If an animal has two heads it must have two tooth brushes!).

WONDER

How many of you were awestruck by the recent full eclipse of the moon? Recently my wife and I shared a beautiful lonely beach in Western Australia with a solitary dolphin which swam back and forth near the shore for several hours.

TEACHING THE BIBLE

(See Matthew 4:4 = Deuteronomy 8:3; 6:4-7; Ephesians 6:4; Romans 10:17; 2 Timothy 1:5, 3:15; Isaiah 55:10,11)

It is important to use biblical material that is appropriate to a child’s understanding. Relate the biblical message to the life experiences of the child. It is best if the Bible story is supplemented with a true modern parable or first-hand experience the child can identify with and understand, otherwise it is all irrelevant. It is far more important for a person to understand trust and commitment than to know every detail of Daniel’s story, for example. And the best teachers have an obvious love for the Bible and live its message in relating to the children. And remember: learning about the Bible is a means to other ends: it is not an end in itself. We are called to worship God, not the Bible.

When we tell children Bible stories, we must put them into their contexts (history, geography etc.). Otherwise children will develop the idea that they are fictional moral tales: David fights Goliath in a sort of Nevernever Land, where Peter Pan and Captain Hook also live. Jesus can become a version of Superman, God a sort of Great Magician who zaps the baddies. God, we must teach, always has reasons for intervening in earth’s affairs: and uses natural as well as supernatural means.

It doesn’t matter too much if children miss the point of the story first time round. Sometimes after hearing or reading it often they’ll suddenly ‘get it’.

CHILDREN AND CHURCH

One of the world’s leading church consultants, Lyle Schaller, says, ‘When children are in church they’re taking notes!’ In other words, they’re watching the Big People worship, and this is more powerful than verbal messages they might receive from those adults in Church or Sunday School.

There are three vital ingredients for children to grow into healthy Christians: (1) socializing and communicating in a loving community of peers and adults: children and adults should regularly communicate with one another with equal amounts of listening and talking. (2) Play and enjoyable first-hand experiences: children remember more of what they experience than what they hear. (3) Opportunities to give: the church must encourage children to contribute to the life of the Christian community, and together to the wider community.

SUNDAY SCHOOLS: QUO VADIS?

When Robert Raikes started Sunday Schools in England, it was in order to teach the three R’s to children who were not able to attend a weekday school because they were working. Today Sunday Schools are in rapid decline. (Why?). That may not be a bad thing: parents should be encouraged to be responsible for the spiritual nurture of their own children.

CONCLUSION

Back to the idea of relationships. Children are very responsive to unconditional love. Which is why Jesus’ attitude to ‘sinners’ of acceptance-before-repentance is a vital clue for us. With the Pharisees it was repentance-before-acceptance. A little book ‘Know How to Evangelize Children’ published by Scripture Union in 1963 begins with the heading ‘The Child is a Sinner’. Fortunately S.U. changed their approach from 1983 to emphasize _first- that the child is loved by God – and is also a sinner! That’s the order!

The evangelism of children is a special and wonderful privilege – in our homes, and churches and Christian schools. It is the most rewarding experience of any parents’ or teachers’ ministry to lead a child to Jesus!

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Shalom!

Rowland Croucher