— by George Colony (Grief is an emotion Colony knows all too well. His wife, Ann, lost her parents on board Egypt Air flight 990 in Oct. 1999)

I’m not a psychologist or therapist, but I thought I would share with you some of the lessons about grief that have helped me and others over the last several weeks and years.

Get grief counseling — Counselors have been a very big help to many who have lost loved ones unexpectedly. My experience is that counselors aren’t there to cry with you — they are there to help you understand what’s going on inside you and to give ideas on how to help the process run its course.

Everyone at his or her own speed — We have experienced many different speeds of grieving. Some want to go back to work immediately, some want to take it slowly. It’s very important that the powers that be in your company give people permission to move at their own pace.

Reach out — The EEOC would probably throw me in jail for suggesting it, but people touching people during these times goes a long way. Holding hands or putting an arm over someone’s shoulder can be highly cathartic in the right context.

Be patient — Many people will want to go back to “normal.” But we can’t go back — and you should tell your people that. We will go to a “new normal” but we can’t go back to the “old normal” — it’s gone forever.

Different manifestations — As I noted above, people will grieve at different rates. But their grief will take on different styles as well. Some will manifest grief emotionally, some physically, some with out-of-the-ordinary behavior. As a leader, it’s important that you understand how each member of your team is coming to grips, and be able to connect at that level.

Give lots of time for communing — Build time into the workday for people to hang out and just talk. Give your people permission to drop work and be with each other.

Have a lot of food around — We found last week that we couldn’t eat at times, and then we would be ravenously hungry. Pizza out of the blue or midafternoon cookies help a lot.

Take care of yourself — Don’t neglect yourself. Get sleep, get exercise, and make your own time for communing and reflection. It’s a long-distance run, not a sprint. Conserve your energy.