Dear Brett,

I just wanted to write this letter to you to let you know that I Love you very much.

I am feeling remorseful and shamed at some of the things that I did as a mum bringing you up. The things I allowed dad to do to you instead of protecting you, for not nurturing you you as a special young boy you were and accepting you as a young man that you are now. To think I said “jokingly”, if Amanda has a boy, push him back”!!!!! That should not have even been thought of, much less being said, it was silently telling you that I was not accepting you what you had.

I have been doing a lotof soul searching the last year or so and am now spending time writing this heartfelt letter to you down in Melbourne with a beautiful Christian family that has absolutely devoted their time, energy and love to help me realise why I did some of the things I did to you.

I guess I don’t have to jot down all the details, I am sure at times you are haunted by some of the life’s jolts that has been dished out to you by dysfunctional adults, who even though meant all the best for you, just plain stuffed up.

I know this is not the end of our conversation, perhaps just the start of some real deep wonderful restoration work between you and me. (Dad can deal with his issues when he is ready), but I have to and want to be open and honest with you, no holds barred so you and I can get to know one another in a healthy and happy way. Now I am not saying it will be easy, infact it might be downright hard and painful, but I want to get to know you and just love you and accept you unconditionally and know now that whatever you and Amanda have will be totally and happy accepted by me and I am sure dad as well.

I am not sure how you will take this or what emotions will arise, but just know this also, if it is tears, anger, just feel free to express them in a healthy atmosphere.

I am not sure what I projected to you as far as emotions being shown were concerned, but I hope I am not too late in saying I love you Brett with all my heart and I hope to be a better, more open and sensitive mum to you in the future.

In finishing this part, just know I have forgiven you for the heartache you have put me through, but I also hope and pray that one day you can forgive me for the part I have played in damaging your “little boy” inside you, in other words your heart. Ilove you darling and I accept wholeheartedly Amanda as a daughter in law and friend and also your precious little boy or girl, as long as you are happy, I am happy. I love you and God bless you.

eternally, mum

kisses and hugs