Dear Steve,

I wanted to write this letter to you with a lot of help from God, for some reason, writing a letter to Brett was much easier, but I am going to give it the best shot.

First of all I want to thank you for the past 2 years or so since you have come back to the Lord, your obvious change and desire to follow him has really blessed me beyond expectation or imagination and you taking over the reigns of spiritual headship is blessing me tremendously and taken a lot of pressure off me, a task that married women should not have to carry.

This week is being wonderful for me in many ways, the family that God has chosen for me to stay with, Rowland and Jan are absolutely beautiful, humble, loving and true servants of the King.

Whilst I have been able to see many things and deal with some issues with the loving guidance of Rowland, it is not the whole picture, healing of wounds that are a part of my childhood takes a long time, not instantaneous as some people, including myself thought and that can cause anxiety in itself which is not healthy.

The first part of our marriage has been a challenge, some good, some bad, and other times horrific, but we have come through it, not without bruises and scars. If I have to be honest with you, I married you in spite of my mothers pleas not to marry and that at times has been a punishment in itself, but I have learnt to stick with it and that has been a marvellous thing.

You have a lot of great qualities which I admire and they are loyalty, consideration, gentleness, caring devotion to me, understanding and graciousness, I am sure I could think up a lot more.

The part I believe which has caused me to step back or close off from you for protection was when you had the motor vehicle accident, your demeanour changed, your moods were erratic, you as a man changed considerably and also your sexuality. Please do not take this as an attack, it is far from it. I needed to write this letter both for my benefit as well as yours. I am not pointing the finger of judgment in the slightest.

I believe I have come to an important step in my life at this point and I would hope that I could now go forward, so I can be the wife, lover, friend, companion and helpmate that you need and deserve.

I am deeply sorry for the injuries I have caused you that have really affected your trust in me, which is the affair I had when the boys were little and I pray that you can forgive me fully. I know that this issue has somewhat affected our intimacy level and that I deeply regret. I have forgiven you for the times that you have hurt me and broken my heart and I intend to with your help and the help of the Lord, look to a brighter and more fulfilling future together.

I love you Steve very much and I hope that this has helped you see where I have come from and with God’s help, continue to go forward.

Your loving wife and friend.