A ‘BORN – AGAIN’ CHRISTIAN – AGED 3 YEARS! PART 2.

SCRIPTURE: Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because…God has set me free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:1,2.

God can use everything in our lives. For me, becoming a ‘born-again’ Christian was not a rational, thought out realization of my need for forgiveness, nor a desire to follow God with all my heart, but rather a desperate attempt to be fed, and have my basic needs met. At three years of age, of course I had no idea what I was doing in the spiritual dimension. However God did! God knew of my childhood innocence, and lack of life experience, but also that this little heart could be used. God recognised my longing to do whatever was necessary to be a part of God’s blessing within my family, and honored that simplicity!

For me, God became an integral, vital and important part of my life even at such a young age. In the years that followed, with all its human degradation, pain and abuse in many areas of my life, God knew that to literally survive my earthly upbringing, my open heart would be my answer. In my simplicity and uncomplicated view of life, God truly was to be my Savior, not of MY particular sins, but the sins committed against me. To remain sane, I literally was going to need protection that only God could bring. Despite what man would do to harm me, God supported and comforted me to literally keep me alive. Eventually I was old enough to understand what I had done, and my personal faith became the most important part of my life. God would ultimately use many painful and difficult experiences for good, even though that has taken, and is still taking, a lifetime to achieve. The seed which was planted in my life then, has remained and enabled me to endure what I could never have done otherwise.

I often look back at my simple trust in God at the tender age of three, and my willingness to do whatever was needed to help fulfil God’s plan for me and my family. I can clearly see how really it was my parents’ responsibility to provide for my food and basic living requirements, and certainly not mine.But I can also see that this was the beginning for a false sense of responsibility which I placed upon myself to supply the needs of others, and to keep everyone else happy. As the years passed I believed it was my responsibility to solve the problems of everyone else around me, and further, that if anything went wrong in the lives of my original family, and later to my husband, children, grandchildren, or any of my friends, then this indicated that I was the one to solve their problems – and that this was a sign of a lack in my own personal relationship with God.

I grew up with a very unforgiving and legalistic view of my own walk with God. I became a spiritual perfectionist, personally blaming myself if I did not fulfil what I saw as my responsibilities towards growing in my spiritual walk. Every day I believed I MUST spend at least an hour praying and interceding for others in need, to meditate for an hour a day, to read the Bible morning and night for long periods of time, to also read other Christian literature, plus care for at least one other person in need (visiting, cooking, phoning, driving to a doctor’s appointment, etc.). This was on top of raising a family, working four days a week, studying at Tertiary level, counseling within my church, and the normal expectations of many churches to demonstrate commitment. I would personally feel I had let God down if I did not, or could not, achieve all this, and if I prayed for someone and didn’t see positive results I always saw it as my fault – that I had a spiritual blockage. This led to long sessions of personal heartache regarding my spiritual inadequacies and sins.

To achieve all of this daily, however, I reached a point where I was only getting three or four hours of bed rest, and during this time I often could not sleep anyway, because I was so wound up, anxious and tense. Eventually I had a complete nervous breakdown. Whilst this was far from the only cause of my illness, I received many negative reactions from my Home Group and other church friends, and was even accused of being demon possessed – which added to my pain and sense of blame.There was no joy, or peace, hope or fulfillment in any area of my life. Everything was my fault!

God hasn’t finished with me yet, but now I know a freedom to just BE. It is the most marvelous experience of my life. I read an interesting thought recently in Brennan Manning’s book, “Lion and Lamb”. He was writing on John 8:36, which says ‘For if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed’. Manning commented, “The day you set God free in your mind is the day God will set you free”. It is so true. God doesn’t want, or need, to be boxed into any ‘performance’ package. Jesus has been crucified. We don’t have to do it too!

PRAYER: Thank you, Jesus, that you have already paid the debt for our sins at Calvary, which means that we are totally acceptable in your eyes, once we have repented for the wrongs we have done, and received your FREE gift of true Life in Christ. Help us to freely receive what you have freely given. Only then will we receive the gifts you are constantly offering to us – joy, hope, forgiveness, a future and most of all, Eternal LIFE! Not just in the future, but now as well! Amen.

TODAY:Open your Bible to Galatians 5:1. ‘It is for FREEDOM that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery’. Make a commitment to memorize this verse today. Read it, and read it, and read it again! Eventually you will know it, and be able to encourage yourself each day by affirming that this is going to be YOUR experience too, everyday, everywhere, no matter what or when. I’m still working at it, too!

Copyright 2002. Julie-Anne Wingate. All Rights Reserved.