SCRIPTURE: This is the sign the Lord has declared….Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful in building others up….In your anger do not sin.1 Kings 13:3, Ephesians 4:29, Ephesians 4:26

When I was born I had a mole already on my body. Mummy called it “my distinguishing feature”. As a little girl she would often tell me that God had put my body together in a special way, that every part was for a reason, to reflect my unique personhood. God was good, made no mistakes, and could not lie.

As she bathed me at night, Mummy would often comment about this, and then she would add “I wonder why God made that mole?” This was spoken to the air, but after a pause would come “Oh well dear, there must be a reason. God makes no mistakes”. Immediately following this she would resume bathing me and chatting normally.

To begin with, this comment went straight over my head. This mole was not in a noticeable spot. It was actually placed in a private part of my body. It was not brown, had no color really and unless my undies were off and I was carefully peered at, no-one would be aware of its existence. So why did mother comment about it so often? It was no big deal whatsoever. As I grew older, however, I too, began to wonder why God had made my mole. What possible reason could there be?

I was six, in my first year at school, when my inevitable question was expressed. Mother had gone through the usual comments, and added, as always “But there must be a reason. God makes no mistakes.” So I piped up cheerily “Well, what is the reason? No-one can even see it”.This, of course, was the moment mother had been seeking all along. She carefully explained that in the Bible God gave lots of people signs……things that would always stay with them and remind them of something they must never forget. She was sure my mole was God’s special sign to let me know that area of my anatomy must NEVER be looked at. It was NEVER to even be touched, because God knew that otherwise, without the mole I might become a slut. I might even sell my body if I did not be very careful.

I had positively NO IDEA what she was possibly talking about. What was a slut anyway? Why would I sell my body? It made no sense to me whatsoever. However it was one of those remarks I held in my heart. Eventually I would make it my business to discover what all this meant. If it was so important for God to give me this sign, and God made no mistakes, then it was VITAL for me to find out what it meant.

As an early teenager a gradual dawning of the meaning of these words began to crystallize. By this age I naturally believed her. I believed that this part of me was repugnant. Daddy had also given this same message VERY loud and clear. I BELIEVED I was a slut waiting to burst out and I BELIEVED I was in danger of selling my body.

At fifteen my whole attitude changed. I was enraged. How dare my mother even suggest such a thing! What did she imply? I would NEVER become a prostitute! I was NOT a slut! I determined to prove her wrong. Actually I became extremely self-conscious and definitely, definitely not out there in the ‘boy-stakes’. Instead I became a bit of a statue-type, sending out messages like “You can look but you may not touch”. I know I still send out messages like that in my body language at times.A few years ago a pastor told me I look like a model in a shop window! I guess that’s exactly what I had intended to convey, to all men!!!

Underneath all that though, I DID BELIEVE God had given this mole for a reason…..and I DID BELIEVE the lie of my mother that I did have that potential. I was extremely angry with God, because I could not understand why my creator could not trust me, and why I had been singled out for this ‘sign’ for no apparent reason. I also remained very, very angry with my mother for telling me such a dreadful thing. It would haunt my life for years and years, decades even…..but more of this later.

PRAYER: Dear Lord, sometimes it is hard to explain why you do what you appear to do. There is so much mystery, for which we have no answers. Often we are badly hurt by hurtful lies other people tell us too. We often respond with anger, and yet deep down we believe the lies! Allow us to become free enough to let things be, to let you be in control. Let us NOT know everything. It is okay to not understand.You are a big God. Big enough to cope with our strongest doubts and fears even when we tell you how angry we really are with you, and with people who have hurt us. The important thing is for us to leave these problems for you to handle. Amen.

TODAY: It’s O.K. to be angry at times with people who have said or done hurtful things to us, and God certainly can cope with our anger. The important thing is, though, to not let that anger remain and build into resentment, then bitterness and eventually to hate. These emotions hurt OURSELVES more than anyone else.Ask God today, to help you resolve personal issues of hate and resentment, towards people who have hurt you terribly. A counselor or minister you can trust can certainly help you. Do not allow that person, or God, to hurt you anymore!!! You and I are the ones who suffer, and it’s needless! Determine to let it go, beginning today.

Julie-Anne Wingate. Copyright 2002. All Rights Reserved.