Clergy/Leaders’ Mail-list No. 2-169 (Family Issues)

GUIDELINES FOR FATHERS (from All About Families)

Part Four: How Do We Encourage A Seeking Spirit?

by Norman Bales

In our three previous installments I suggested that God is the perfect model of fatherhood. We are exploring concepts of fathering based on the following texts. Matthew 6:6 “But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

Matthew 7:7-8 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”

This installment concludes our study of fatherhood based on the example of God. In our most recent episode we critiqued the parental practice of indoctrination. We suggested that indoctrination is not achieving the desired result of making sure our children honor the faith into their adult years. In this final installment we ask you to consider the advisability of teaching your children how to think as opposed to teaching them what to think.

Don’t misunderstand me. We do have to pass along information. We do have to give them resources. We do have to equip them. That goes all the way back to Deuteronomy 6. But the assumption that repeating the right words will guarantee faithfulness is a false assumption because it leaves out an important component of fatherhood that Jesus spoke about in our text. Those who find are those who SEEK. You don’t encourage seeking when your sole approach to nurturing is making sure you say the right words.

Many us have a problem with control. We may not realize that indoctrination is one of the ways we exercise control. Sometimes when grown up children turn away from the faith, they’re not really resisting God. They’re resisting the parents whom they perceive to be the controllers of their lives.

The Bible has been one of those clubs. When they grow up they say, “you’re not going to use that club on me anymore.”

To encourage a seeking spirit, we have to abandon our plan to give our children a list of ready-made answers for every life situation. Instead we need to teach them how to think, how to evaluate and how to recognize the difference between good ideas and bad ideas. I’ll have to admit that’s scary.

Sometimes I don’t like what I hear from my children – even to this day. Because I think I’ve done a fairly reasonable job of being approachable, they’re bold enough to tell me things I don’t want to hear. When I hear that, I catch myself thinking, “How dare you say that to me? Don’t your understand that I have a degree in Bible and you don’t? I’ve done graduate study in Bible. I’ve heard all these arguments you’re making and I’ve rejected them and you’ve got the audacity to say to me, ‘Dad, I don’t agree with you on that?'”

I don’t say those things, but those kinds of thoughts do crop up in my mind. When I calm down from my knee-jerk reaction, I realize they’re developing their own faith. We wouldn’t be talking if they weren’t thinking. And I remember that Jesus said “seek and you shall find.” It’s a wise father who understands that God honors the seeking spirit. It’s a wise father who will let go of his desire to be in control long enough to encourage his children to think for themselves and forge their own faith, even when you have to shake your head in disbelief every now and then. You say, “Isn’t that risky?” Of course the answer is, “Yes, it is.” But it may be even more risky not to encourage seeking.

Conclusion

There is one other part of the text that I haven’t mentioned. Jesus said, “knock and the door will be opened.” When the Bible uses the word “door” in a figurative sense, it is almost always a symbol for acceptance. That’s what grace is about – it’s God opening the door to us to give all those good gifts he wants us to have. Grace is the reason we are drawn to our Heavenly Father and does it not follow that an earthly Father needs to show his children an example? We need to be kind, forgiving, accepting and anxious to give a blessing to our children.

That’s the way God responds to us. It cost him dearly to make that response. He had to allow his Son to go to a place called Calvary so the he could open the door when you and I knock. So why are we reluctant about knocking? He invites us to call Him Father. That is precisely what He wants to be. J. I. Packer put it so simply and yet so accurately when he said, “a Christian is one who has God for a Father.” Is he your Father? If you’re a father and you’re not a Christian, the greatest gift you could possibly give your child (children) would be to accept God’s invitation to let Him become your Father.

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