OUR COVENANT OUR COVENANT

With God’s help, and in the context of a regular relationship of accountability with another couple, we commit ourselves to the following:

1. Frequent talking-times: daily. These times should address issues where we may misunderstand each others’ words and intentions, where we explain to each other what’s in our minds and hearts. Important issues should be negotiated in a way in which each of us is ‘heard’ and each of us ‘owns’ the outcome.

2. Individuality: We will respect each other’s need for space, and ‘separateness’

3. Finance: We should work at sorting out our financial and personal effects so that in any eventuality, our decisions can be mutual, ‘clean’ and fair. On a regular basis we will respect each other’s right to an equal access to funds as needed, and to making mutual decisions about all financial matters.

4. Sexuality: Our sexual desires and needs should be negotiated so that our individuality is respected. We should indicate to each other our personal preferences, and we should each feel that these are specifically respected. [She] would like to be able indicate whether or not ‘intimacy’ – whether verbal or touching – should or should not lead to full sexual intercourse – at the beginning or later in the time of intimacy.

5. Intimacy: We should together explore intimacy in ways other than sexual intercourse.

6. Verbal Communication: We should encourage one another to speak the truth in love: if words are not loving, helpful and encouraging we should desist from uttering them. However if there are real feelings of guilt, shame, grief, anger, negativity, etc. we encourage these to be verbalised, but then ‘teased out’ in terms of their origin and constructive ways to move ahead from these areas. We should review our communications each day and not rest until we have understood the origin of our words/feelings and what we can do to move ahead.

7. Interests and pursuits: We should affirm each other’s uniqueness in our choices of leisure pursuits and encourage each other in our differing gifts and choices. Together we will explore avenues of mutual interest – like, eg. singing, theatre/drama etc.

8. Church: Here we will respect each other’s differences, but we will explore how we can worship together in a mutually-congenial context.

9. Spirituality: We should explore how – with our differences – we can pray and read together; and suggest helpful reading for each other.

10. Weekly: we should spend time enjoying each other’s company in terms of relaxing together.

11. Counselling: It is important that both [he and she] continue individual counselling – and as a couple. In counselling we review how we’re going in all the foregoing aspects – with a special review about the middle of next year.