From: “Sometimes I really wish I could be what I was when I wanted to be what I am now.”

A pirate comes walking into a dockside tavern. He has a wooden leg, a hook instead of a hand, and a glass eye. He sits down at the bar and orders a beer. The curious young man sitting next to him asks the pirate how he came to have a wooden leg.

The pirate replies, “Well, I was standing on the deck of me ship one day and a wave washed me overboard, then a shark came along and bit me leg off.”

The young man then asks, “Well then, how did you lose your hand?” To this the pirate answered, “Many years ago, I was fighting the Brittish and one of the dastards cut me hand off! They couldn’t find a hand, so they put this hook on me.”

The young man then asked, “How did you get the glass eye?”

The pirate replies, “I was standing on the deck of me boat, and a bird crapped in me eye.” The young man, now completely confused says, “That’s it? No fantastic story? A bird crapped in your eye and you lost it?”

The pirate says, “Well, it was me first day with me hook…”