A yuppie opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the yuppie was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeemer!!!” he whined.

“You yuppies are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!” retorted the officer, “You’re so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn’t even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!” Oh my gaaad…”, replied the yuppie, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was,

“Where’s my Rolex!!!!!”

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Lee was known among his friends for the punctuality with which he sent his wife her alimony payment each month. When he was asked the reason for his haste, he shivered and replied: “I’m afraid that if I should ever fall behind in the payments to that witch, she might well try to repossess me.” —————————————————————————

Definitions:

– Exothermic = reaction that gives off heat

– Endothermic = reaction that requires heat to continue

A retiring Physical Chemistry professor was setting his last exam for a graduate course in Statistical Thermodynamics.

Being a bit bored with it all, and with a well kept and wry sense of humor, he set a single question on the sheet:

Is Hell endothermic or exothermic? Support your answer with a proof.

He had little idea what to expect, or how to grade the results, but decided to reward any student who was able to come up with a reasonable and consistent reply to his query. One “A” was awarded.

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law or some variant.

The top student however wrote the following:

First, we postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass and occupy space. If they do, then a greater mass of souls has a greater volume.

Further, as volume increases, pressure must decrease in inverse proportion to maintain thermal equillibrium. So, at what rate are souls moving into Hell and at what rate are souls leaving?

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will never leave. Therefore, all souls stay; no souls are leaving.

As for souls entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell.

With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially, but certainly not indefinitely.

Now, we look at the rate of change in the volume in Hell. Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls to volume must remain constant.

There are then only two possible conditions:

1. One, if Hell is expanding at a slower rate that the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase exponentially until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Conversely, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over; condition two.

We can solve this with the 1990 postulation in the form of a response from Susie LeClair to my invitation for a date: “Not until Hell freezes over!” Since it’s now been over 7 years, and she is not likely to respond in the affirmative, contition two above has not been met. Thus it can be concluded that condition one is true, and therefore Hell is exothermic.