I have the absolutely correct and totally irrefutable definitions for the terms that have been brought up lately:

Legalist (n.) – Someone who would bind his own religious views on me, thinks his views are synonymous with Holy Writ, hollers and yells a lot, and consigns me to Hell if I don’t agree with him.

Conservative (n.) – Someone who is essentially a legalist, but is kind and humble, doesn’t holler a lot, and is willing to give me an occasional benefit of the doubt.

Liberal (n.) – Someone who believes it is O.K. to do or believe things religiously that I don’t think are O.K. to do or believe.

Progressive (n.) – A liberal who prefers this designation so that no one will think he is a Democrat.

Moderate (n.) – Someone who has no serious convictions about much of anything. See also lukewarm.

Disagreeable (adj.) – Doesn’t agree with me.

Biased (adj.) – See above.

Objective (adj.) – Agrees with me.

Teachable (adj.) – Accepts and endorses my views.

Opinionated (adj.) – Has a different opinion from mine and his is wrong.

As anyone with half a brain can plainly see, these definitions are completely correct in every detail.