“War is much too serious a matter to be entrusted to the military.”

Georges Clemenceau

Customer Satisfaction

McDonnell Douglas

Aircraft/Space Systems/Missiles

PRODUCT REGISTRATION CARD

Dear Sir,

Important! Important!

Please fill out and mail this card within 10 days of purchase. Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and desires.

1. [ ]Mr. [ ]Mrs. [ ]Ms. [ ]Miss [ ]Lt. [ ]Gen. [ ]Comrade [ ]Classified

First Name _______________ Initial ___ Last Name __________________

Latitude ____________ Longitude ____________ Altitude _____________

Password, Code Names, Aliases, etc. _________________________________

2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

[ ] F-14 Tomcat [ ] F-15 Eagle

[ ] F-16 Falcon [ ] F-19A Stealth

[ ] Classified

3. Date of purchase: ___/___/___

4. Serial Number: ___________________ (Under left-side fuselage.)

5. Please check where this product was purchased:

[ ] Received as Gift/Aid Package [ ] Catalog Showroom

[ ] Sleazy Arms Broker

[ ] Mail Order

[ ] Discount Store

[ ] Government Surplus

[ ] Classified

6. Please check how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:

[ ] Heard loud noise, looked up

[ ] Store Display

[ ] Recommended by friend/relative/ally [ ] Espionage

[ ] Political lobbying by Manufacturer [ ] Was attacked by one

7. Please check the three (3) factors which most influenced your
decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

[ ] Style/Appearance [ ] Speed/Maneuverability

[ ] Kickback/Bribe [ ] Recommended by salesperson

[ ] Comfort/Convenience [ ] McDonnell Douglas Reputation

[ ] Price/Value [ ] Advanced Weapons Systems

[ ] Custom Floor Mats [ ] Back-Room Politics

[ ] Negative experience opposing one in combat

8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:

[ ] North America [ ] Central/South America

[ ] Aircraft Carrier [ ] Europe

[ ] Middle East [ ] Africa

[ ] Asia/Far East [ ] Misc. Third-World Countries

[ ] Classified

9. Please check the products that you currently own, or intend topurchase in the near future:

Product Own Intend to purchase

– – – – – – – – – – – – – – –

Color TV [ ] [ ]

VCR [ ] [ ]

ICBM [ ] [ ]

Killer Satellite [ ] [ ]

DVD Player [ ] [ ]

Air-to-Air Missiles [ ] [ ]

Space Shuttle [ ] [ ]

Home Computer [ ] [ ]

Nuclear Weapon [ ] [ ]

10. How would you describe yourself or your organization? (Check all that apply):

[ ] Communist/Socialist [ ] Terrorist

[ ] Crazed (Islamic) [ ] Corrupt (Latin American)

[ ] Crazed (Other) [ ] Corrupt (Other)

[ ] Democratic [ ] Dictatorship

[ ] Primitive/Tribal [ ] Neutral

11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

[ ] Cash [ ] Suitcases of Cocaine

[ ] Oil Revenues [ ] Deficit Spending

[ ] Personal Check [ ] Credit Card

[ ] Ransom Money [ ] Traveler’s Check

12. Occupation You Your Spouse

~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~

Homemaker [ ] [ ]

Sales/Marketing [ ] [ ]

Revolutionary [ ] [ ]

Clerical [ ] [ ]

Mercenary [ ] [ ]

Tyrant [ ] [ ]

Middle Management [ ] [ ]

Eccentric Billionaire [ ] [ ]

Defense Minister/General [ ] [ ]

Retired [ ] [ ]

Student [ ] [ ]

13. To help us understand our Customers’ lifestyles, please indicate the interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy participating on a regular basis:

Activity/Interest You Your Spouse

~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~

Golf [ ] [ ]

Boating/Sailing [ ] [ ]

Sabotage [ ] [ ]

Running/Jogging [ ] [ ]

Propaganda/Disinformation [ ] [ ]

Destabilizing/Overthrow [ ] [ ]

Default on Loans [ ] [ ]

Gardening [ ] [ ]

Crafts [ ] [ ]

Black Market/Smuggling [ ] [ ]

Collectibles/Collections [ ] [ ]

Watching Sports on TV [ ] [ ]

Wines [ ] [ ]

Interrogation/Torture [ ] [ ]

Household Pets [ ] [ ]

Crushing Rebellions [ ] [ ]

Espionage/Reconnaissance [ ] [ ]

Fashion Clothing [ ] [ ]

Border Disputes [ ] [ ]

Mutually Assured Destruction [ ] [ ]

Thanks for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell Douglas serve you better in the future – as well as allowing you to receive mailings and special offers from other companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to:

McDonnell Douglas Corporation

Marketing Department

Military Aerospace Division

P.O. Box 800

St. Louis, MO 55500

Revised and reformatted by Bert Pasquale

…..

The young executive was working late one evening. As he stepped out of his office to get some coffee he saw the boss standing by the office shredder, a piece of paper in his hand.

“Do you know how to work this thing?” the older man asked.

“My secretary’s gone home and I don’t know how to run it.”

“Yes, sir,” the eager underling replied. He turned on the machine, took the paper from the other man and fed it in. “Oh, thanks,” his boss said. “One copy will be fine.”

…..

“The Delivery”

An old county doctor went way out to the boon-docks to deliver a baby. It was so far out that there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5 year old child The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see while he helped the woman deliver the baby. The child did so, the mother pushed, and after a little while, the doctor lifted the new born baby by the feet and spanked him on the bottom to get him to take his first breath.

“Hit him again,” the child said. “He shouldn’t have crawled up there in the first place!!”