‘Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck…


How to live in a world that’s politically correct?


His workers no longer would answer to "Elves"


"Vertically Challenged" they were calling
themselves


And labor conditions at the north pole


Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul

Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety


Released to the wilds by the Humane Society


And equal employment had made it quite clear


That Santa had better not use just reindeer


So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid


Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked
stupid!

The runners had been removed from his sleigh;


The ruts were termed dangerous by the E P A


And people had started to call for the cops


When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops


Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite
frightened


His fur trimmed red suit was called "Unenlightened"

And to show you the strangeness of life’s ebbs and
flows


Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose


And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation


Demanding millions in over-due compensation

So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife


Who suddenly said she’d enough of this life


Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz


Demanding from now on her title was Ms

And as for the gifts, why, he’d ne’er had a notion


That making a choice could cause so much commotion


Nothing of leather, nothing of fur


Which meant nothing for him. And nothing for her


Nothing that might be construed to pollute


Nothing to aim. Nothing to shoot


Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise


Nothing for just girls. Or just for boys


Nothing that claimed to be gender specific


Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacific

No candy or sweets … they were bad for the tooth


Nothing that seemed to embellish the truth


And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden


Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden


For they raised the hackles of those psychological


Who claimed the only good gift was ecological

No baseball, no football … someone could get hurt;


Besides; playing sports exposed kids to dirt


Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passe;


And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away

So Santa just stood there, dishevelled, perplexed;


He just could not figure out what to do next


He tried to be merry, tried to be gay


But you’ve got to be careful with that word today


His sack was quite empty, limp to the ground;


Nothing fully acceptable was to be found

Something special was needed, a gift that he might


Give to all without angering the left or the right


A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision


Each group of people, every religion;


Every ethnicity, every hue


Everyone, everywhere … even you


So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth …


"May you and your loved ones enjoy peace on
earth"