Seen on a bumper sticker: “I’m not a vegetarian because I

love animals, I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.”

 

 

A forest ranger is making rounds in a remote part of the wooded

reserve when he comes across an unkempt man, sitting at a make-shift

campfire, and, to the ranger’s horror, eating a fish and a bald eagle.

The man is consequently put in jail for the crime. He was soon

brought to trial for his crime…

 

The Judge asked the man “Do you know that eating a bald eagle is a

federal offence?”

 

“Yes I do.” replied the man, “but if you let me argue my case, I’ll

explain what happened.”

 

“You may proceed.”

 

“I got lost in the woods, and hadn’t had anything real to eat for

two weeks,” the man explained. “I was so hungry, I was eating plants

to stay alive. Next thing I see is a Bald Eagle swooping down at the

lake grabbing some fish. I thought ‘if I startled the Eagle I could

maybe steal the fish.’ Low and behold, the eagle lighted upon a

nearby tree stump to eat the fish. I threw a stone toward the eagle

hoping he would drop the fish and fly away. Unfortunately, in my

weakened condition, my aim was off, and the rock hit the eagle

squarely on his poor little head, and killed it. I thought long and

hard about what had happened, but figured that since I killed it I

might as well eat it since it would be more disgraceful to let it rot

on the ground.”

 

The judge says he will take a recess to analyse the defendant’s

testimony. 15 minutes goes by and the judge returns:

 

“Due to the extreme circumstance you were under and because you

didn’t intend to kill the eagle, the court will dismiss the charges.”

The Judge then leans over the bench and whispers: “If you don’t mind

my asking, what does a bald eagle taste like?”

 

“Well your honor, it is hard to explain. The best I can describe

it’s a bit more tender than a California Condor but lacks the tang of

a Spotted Owl.”

– As told by