• A mathematician will be able to calculate where the shell will land.


• A physicist will be able to explain why it will land there.


• An engineer will try to catch it.

An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a Mathematics student were each given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly how tall a particular hotel was.

All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this. The physics student went out, purchased some stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, a calculator, and some friends. He had them all time the drop of ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height from the time it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted with the sidewalk.

The math student waited until the sun was going down, then she took out her protractor, plumb line, measuring tape, and scratch pad, measured the length of the shadow, found the angle the buildings roof made from the ground, and used trigonometry to figure out the height of the building.

Of course, with all that was involved in getting this experiment done, they were up plenty late studying for other courses’ exams.

These two students bumped into the engineering student the next day, who looked quite refreshed. When asked what he did to find the height of the building he replied:

“Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was, and went inside for happy hour!”

Quotes taken from actual work performance evaluations:

• “Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and shows signs of starting to dig.”


• “His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity.”


• “I would not allow this employee to breed.”


• “This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won’t be.”


• “Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.”


• “When he opens his mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.”


• “He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle.”


• “This young man has delusions of adequacy.”


• “He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.”


• “This employee should go far-and the sooner he starts, the better.”


• “This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.”

The president of the U.S.A. was out jogging very early the other day when he came upon the Washington Monument. He paused at the entrance, bowed his head respectfully, and said: “George, the country is in terrible shape lately, and I’m not sure what to do to improve things. If you’ve got any advice for me, I would sure appreciate it.”

Suddenly, the early morning mist cleared, a light shone down upon Bill, and a clear voice said: “Read the Constitution.”

Bill though moment, then said: “I’ve read the Constitution, and I don’t believe there’s anything in there to help me right now.” and he jogged on.

The next morning, Bill took a different route for his early morning jog and found himself in front of the Jefferson Memorial. Again, he bowed his head respectfully and said: “Thomas, the country is in terrible shape right now and I sure could use some help getting it straightened out. Is there anything you can think of to help me?” Again, the mist parted and a light shone down upon the president as a voice called out: “Read the Bill of Rights.”

Bill thought a moment and said: “I’ve read the Bill of Rights, and I don’t believe there’s anything in there to help me right now.” and he jogged on.

On the third morning, Clinton found himself in front of the Lincoln Memorial. For a third time, he bowed his head and said: “Mr. Lincoln, you were an inspiration to me. The country is in terrible shape right now and I was hoping you might have some words of wisdom to help me make things right.

Again, the mist cleared, a light shone down upon Bill, and a booming voice said: “Take your family to the theatre.”

Problem: Cannot start Program

Possible cause: Operator Error

Solution: Remove and replace operator.

– From an a actual service guide’s troubleshooting chart.

“Software suppliers are trying to make their software packages more ‘user-friendly’… Their best approach, so far, has been to take all the old brochures, and stamp the words, ‘user-friendly’ on the cover.”

– Bill Gates

REDMOND, Washington — Microsoft today announced that it will be changing its name to “Moft” which will clear up space on users’ hard disks. It is estimated that a typical Windows 95 installation contains about 2,842,597 iterations of the word “Microsoft”, in copyright notices, end-user licence agreements, ‘About’ screens, as well as several multi-megabyte files containing nothing else (the so-called ego dll series), etc. So, after the change, a user will have about 14 MBytes more disk space.

Stock prices of hard-disk manufacturers dipped slightly after the announcement.

“Well, the programs will take up less space on the user’s disk,” said Bill Gates, CEO of Moft. “But we have never cared about that. The change will allow us to ship Windows 95 on 13 disks instead of 14, thus saving about $50 million a year in media costs. We are also looking at shortening the names of some of our software products; for instance ‘The Microsoft Exchange’ may be changed to ‘The Moft Pit’.

Gates denied that the move was because of problems with the alleged long filename support in Win95 which still uses 8.3 filenames underneath. He did admit, however, that “MICROSO~1” did look a little ugly. Gates added that the junior programmer who discovered the potential savings has been rewarded with a free copy of ‘Moft Off for Moft Win 95’.

Response: Andersen Consultanting

Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM) Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Andersen consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution.

Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

– Compiled by

– Original Source Unknown