Signs of Fine Age

* You take a metal detector to the beach.
* You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
* If a young girl looks at you, you check to make sure you remembered
to put on your pants.
* You keep repeating yourself.
* You discover bifocals are stylish!
* When you do the "Hokey Pokey" you put your left hip out…and it
stays out.
* You discover the words, "whippersnapper", "scalawag" and
"by-crackity" creeping into your vocabulary.
* You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.
* Most women you know under 40 put you in the "Friend of my Father"
class.
* You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
* The end of your tie doesn’t come anywhere near the top of your
pants.
* You have more hair in your ears and nose than on your head.
* You keep repeating yourself.
* You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into
the room.
* Relatives smile benignly rather than interrupt you as you retell
the same story for the zillionth time.
* You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
* You send money to PBS.
* You sing along with the elevator music.
* Neighbors borrow your tools.
* You’re on a TV game show and you decide to risk it all and go for
the rocker.
* You are proud of your lawn mower.
* Lawn care has become a big highlight of your life.
* Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
* Your classmates at your reunion think you’re one of their former
teachers.
* Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling
ailments."
* You keep repeating yourself.
* Your relatives longingly refer to your things as your "estate".
* People don’t harass you any more when you take an afternoon nap.
* Your social security number only has three digits.