IDIOTS SHOPPING… I was signing the receipt for my credit card
Purchase when the clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the
back of the credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the
transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she explained
that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with
the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the credit card
in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to the one I
signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched!

IDIOTS AT WORK…Sign in a gas station: Coke — 49 cents. Two for a
dollar.

IDIOTS & GEOGRAPHY…After interviewing a particularly
short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather
monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?"
Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was
just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by
Croatia?"

ADVICE FOR IDIOTS….An actual tip from page 16 of the HP
"Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees:"
"Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD…I live in a semi-rural area. We
recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative
office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: Many deer were being hit by cars and he no longer wanted
them to cross there.

IDIOTS & COMPUTERS…My neighbor works in the operations
department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the
field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night
he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this
question: "I’ve got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do
you guys have a fire downtown?"

IDIOTS ARE EASY TO PLEASE…I was sitting in my science class, when
the

teacher commented that the next day would be the shortest day of the
year. My lab partner became visibly excited, cheering and clapping. I
explained to her that the amount of daylight changes, not the actual
amount of time. Needless to say, she was very disappointed.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE…..My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and
ordered a taco. She asked the individual behind the counter for
"minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry, but they only had
iceberg.

AN IDIOT’S IDIOT…Police in Radnor, Pennsylvania, interrogated a
suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with
wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He’s lying" was
placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button each time they
thought the suspect was telling a lie. Believing the "lie
detector" was working, the suspect confessed.