Deja Moo: The feeling that you’ve heard this bull before.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on
society.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Money can’t buy happiness. But it sure makes misery easier to live
with.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from where
you left them to where you can’t find them.

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that
nobody appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as
warning to others.

Ray’s Law: You can’t fall off the floor.

Paranoids are people too; they have their own problems. It’s
easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you’d be paranoid too.

Eagles may soar, but weasels aren’t sucked into jet engines.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your
principles.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never
tried before.

Change is inevitable….except from vending machines.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

Borrow money from pessimists – they don’t expect it back.

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from
his name plate that the teller’s name is Paddy Whack. So he says,
"Mr Whack, I’d like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on
holiday". Paddy Whack looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how
much he wants to borrow. The frog says 30,000 pounds. The teller asks
his name and the frog says his name is Kermit Jagger and that it’s ok,
he knows the bank manager. Paddy explains that 30,000 pounds is a
substantial amount of money and that he would need to secure some
collateral against the loan and asks if he has anything he can use as
collateral. The frog says "Sure. I have this", and produces a
tiny pink elephant, about half an inch tall. Bright pink and perfectly
formed. Very confused, Paddy explains that he’ll have to consult with
the manager and disappears into a back office. He finds the manager and
says "There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to
know you and wants to borrow 30,000 pounds and he wants to use this as
collateral." He holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what
the hell is this?" The bank manager replies, "It’s a knick
knack, Paddy Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man is a Rolling
Stone."

German scientists excavating 50 meters underground discovered small
pieces of copper. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany
announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had the first
nationwide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not
that easily impressed. They ordered their own scientists to dig even
deeper. 100 meters down, they found small pieces of glass, and they soon
announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a
nationwide fiber net. Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 200
meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. They concluded that
the ancient Hebrews 45,000 years ago had cellular telephones.