Two new chemical elements have recently been discovered. Here for
the first time is a description of their properties.

Element Name: WOMAN

Symbol: WO

Atomic Weight: (don’t even go there!)

Physical Properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and
may freeze any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if not
used well.

Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong
affinity to gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Violent when
left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly
green when placed next to a better specimen.

Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion
of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known.

Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands.

Element Name: MAN

Symbol: XY

Atomic Weight: (180 +/- 50)

Physical properties: Solid at room temperature,but gets bent out of
shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a
pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct
electricity as easily as young samples.

Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can
get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive
when mixed with Kd (Element: Child) for prolonged period of time.

Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good samples are
able to produce large quantities on command.

Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and
begins to smell.