A certain man was infatuated with a young woman, but was so timid he
never had the courage to speak to her. In fact, he told his therapist
that every time he got near her he felt like nothing more than a tiny
pebble.

"Well," his therapist responded, "if you want to
get the girl you’ll just have to be a little boulder!"

Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing several
paintings from the Louvre. However, after planning the crime, getting in
and out past security, he was captured only 2 blocks away when his
Econoline ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a
crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied:

"I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

A man was walking home alone one night when he hears a
"BUMP…BUMP…BUMP…" behind him. Walking faster, he looks
back, making out an image of an upright coffin banging its way down the
middle of the street towards him…"BUMP…BUMP…BUMP…" The
man begins to run towards his home, and the coffin bounces after him
faster…faster…BUMPBUMPBUMP. He runs up to his door, fumbles with his
keys, opens the door, rushes in, and locks it behind him. The coffin
crashes through his door, with the lid of the coffin clapping BUMP BUMP
BUMP on the heals of the terrified man. The man rushes upstairs to the
bathroom and locks himself in, heart pounding. With a CRASH, the coffin
breaks down the door, coming slowly towards him, the man screaming,
reaches for something, anything…all he can find is a box of cough
drops which he throws at the coffin…and the coffin stops.