1. How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of
darkness.

2. How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do
not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the
light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.

3. How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?

Change???

4. How many modern theologians does it take to change a bulb?

No one knows. They can’t tell the difference between light and
darkness.

5. How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

109. Seven on the Light Bulb Task Force Sub-committee, who report
to the 12 on the Light bulb Task Force, appointed by the 15 on the
Trustee Board. Their recommendation is reviewed by the Finance Committee
Executive of 5, who place it on the agenda of the 18 member Finance
Committee. If they approve, they bring a motion to the 27-member church
Board, who appoints another 12-member review committee. If they
recommend that the Church Board proceed, a resolution is brought to the
Congregational Business Meeting. They appoint another 8-member review
committee. If their report to the Next Congregational Business Meeting
supports the changing of a light bulb, and the Congregation votes in
favor, the responsibility to carry out the light bulb change is passed
on to the Trustee Board, who in turn appoint a 7 member committee to
find the best price on new light bulbs. Their recommendation of which
hardware store has the best buy must them be reviewed by the 23 member
Ethics Committee to make certain that this hardware store has no
connections to Disneyland. They report back to the Trustee Board who
then commissions the Trustee in charge of the janitor to Ask him to make
the change. By then the janitor discovers that one more light bulb has
burned out.

6. How many independent fundamentalists does it take to change a
light bulb?

Only one, because any more might result in too much cooperation.

7. How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They always use candles.

8. How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

This statement was issued: “We choose not to make a statement either
in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your
own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is
fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about
your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or
non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb
Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb
traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long- life,
and tinted – all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.”

9. How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?

“What’s a light bulb?”

10. How many members of an established Bible teaching church that is
over 20 years old does it take to change a light bulb?

One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked
the old one.

11. How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your
donation today.

12 How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?

At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the
light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the
light bulb, they still might not change it, to keep from alienating
those who might use other forms of light.

13 How many worship leaders who use guitars does it take to change a
light bulb?

One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.