* Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-o to a tree.

* There is always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it.
For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.

* Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics
class pulls a hamstring.

* The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant
atmosphere… and let the air out of their tires.

* Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly car payment is due.

* Families are like fudge .. mostly sweet with a few nuts.

* Today’s mighty oak is just yesterday’s nut that held its ground.

* Laughing helps. It’s like jogging on the inside.

* Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

* My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

* The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.

* One day I shall burst my buds of calm and blossom into hysteria.

* If you can remain calm, you just don’t have all the facts.

* Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to
you the rest of the day!

* You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes and wonder
what else you can do while you’re down there.

* Life’s golden age is when the kids are too old to need baby-sitters and too
young to borrow the family car.