The following announcements, believe it or not, have supposedly appeared in
church bulletins around the country:

1) Don’t let worry kill you–let the church help.

2) Thursday night-Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

3) Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

4) For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.

5) The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David
Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

6) This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the
church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

7) Tuesday at 4:00 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving
milk will please come early.

8) Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing “Put me
in My Little Bed” accompanied by the pastor.

9) Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club.
All ladies wishing to be “Little Mothers” will meet with the Pastor in his
study.

10) This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to>> come forward and
lay an egg on the altar.

11) The service will close with “Little Drops of Water.” One of the ladies
will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.

12) Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the
new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come
forward and do so.

13) A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music
will follow. 14) At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What
is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.