If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?

If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, “Quit
while you’re ahead”?

Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?

What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer
cans.

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and
forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we
supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don’t they just put their pictures
on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the
mail?

Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor’s office is full of portraits by
Picasso.

How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn’t live there?

If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the
OTHERS here for?

STRESSED spelled backwards is DESSERTS.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

Clones are people two.

Go ahead and take risks….just be sure that everything will turn out OK.

No one ever says “It’s only a game,” when their team is winning.

As I said before, I never repeat myself!

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn’t zigzag?

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.