A guy dies and wakes up to find he’s in Hell. He’s really depressed as he
stands in the processing line waiting to talk to an admittance demon.

He thinks to himself, “I know I led a wild life, but I wasn’t that bad. I
never thought it would come to this.” Looking up, he sees that it is his turn to
be processed into Hell. With fear and a heavy heart, he walks up to the demon.

Demon: “What’s the problem? You look depressed.”

Sinner: “Well, what do you expect? I’m in Hell.”

Demon: “Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun. Do you like to
drink?”

Sinner: “Sure. I love to drink.”

Demon: “Well then, you’re going to love Mondays. On Mondays we drink up a
storm. You can have whiskey, rum, tequila, beer, whatever you want, and as much
as you want. We party all night long. And you don’t have to worry about your
liver, because you’re already dead! You’ll love Mondays.

Do you smoke?”

Sinner: “Yes, actually I do.”

Demon: “You’re going to love Tuesdays. Tuesday is smoke day. You get to
smoke the finest cigars and best cigarettes available anywhere. And you can
smoke to your heart’s content without worrying about cancer, because you’re
already dead. You’re going to love Tuesdays.

How about drugs? Do you do any drugs?”

Sinner: “Well, in my younger days I experimented a little, but I never
inhaled.”

Demon: “Well, you can experiment with anything you want on Wednesdays.
That’s drug day. You can toke, snort, drop, or shoot any kind of drug you’d like
to experience, and you don’t have to worry about overdoses or getting hooked,
because you’re already dead. You’re going to love Wednesdays.

Do you like to gamble?”

Sinner: “Sure, I love to gamble.”

Demon: “Well, Thursdays are for you! We gamble all day and night black
jack, craps, slots, horse races, everything! You’re going to love Thursdays.

Are you gay?”

Sinner: “No, I’m not.”

Demon: (winces) “Oh. You’re going to hate Fridays…”