– As I let go of my shoulds and feelings of guilt, I can get in touch
with my Inner Sociopath.

– I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring
levels of suspicion and paranoia.

– I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that
are someone else’s fault.

– I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless,
of course, I want to stay employed.

– In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

– Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over
others.

– My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.

– I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even
more.

– I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no
personality at all.

– Joan of Arc heard voices too.

– I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious,
self-righteous people around me.

– I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and
complain.

– As I learn the innermost secrets of the people around me, they
reward me in many ways to keep me quiet.

– When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But
not nearly as gratifying.

– The first step is to say nice things about myself. The second, to
do nice things for myself. The third, to find someone to buy me nice
things.

– As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

– All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid, and
disgusting parts.

– I am at one with my duality.

– Blessed are the flexible, for they can tie themselves into knots.

– I will strive to live each day as if it were my 50th birthday.

– Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with
imaginary fears.

– Does my quiet self-pity get to me? Yes? Or should I move up to
incessant nagging?

– Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are
no sweeter words than “I told you so.”

– False hope is nicer than no hope at all.

– A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.

– Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day watching
TV. Instead I will move my TV into the bedroom.

– Who can I blame for my own problems? Give me just a minute… I’ll
find someone.

– Why should I waste my time reliving the past when I can spend it
worrying about the future?

– The complete lack of evidence is the surest sign that the
conspiracy is working.

– I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as
sabotage.

– Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step –
blaming my parents.

– To understand all is to fear all.

– I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can
laugh at.

– The next time the universe knocks on my door, I will pretend I am
not home.

– My body is a temple. Do you want to come over for midnight mass?

– To have a successful relationship I must learn to make it look like
I’m giving as much as I’m getting.

– I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to
learn from them.