On a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm.

The turbulence is awful and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by
lightening. One woman in particular loses it.

Screaming, she stands up in the front  of the plane. "I’m too young to
die!" she wails.

Then she yells, "Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be
memorable! I’ve had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like
a woman! Well, I’ve had it!

Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN????"

For a moment there is silence.

Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, as the desperate
woman in the front of the plane. Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. "I
can make you feel like a woman," he says. He’s gorgeous.

Tall, built, with jet black hair and dark eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle,
unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.

No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes
his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding
his shirt to the trembling woman and whispers: here, iron this..

——————————————

For people of the baby boom generation here are top concerns then and now:

*Honorable Mentions*

Then: Long hair.

Now: Longing for hair.

Then: Keg

Now: EKG.

Then: Acid rock

Now: Acid reflux.

Then: Moving to California because it’s cool.

Now: Moving to California because it’s hot.

Then: You’re growing pot.

Now: Your growing pot.

Then: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your parents.

Now: Watching John Glenn’s historic flight with your kids.

Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.

Then: Seeds and stems.

Now: Roughage.

Then: Popping pills, smoking joints.

Now: Popping joints.

Then: Our president’s struggle with Fidel.

Now: Our president’s struggle with fidelity.

*And the Winners are*:

Fifth Runner-up

Then: Paar.

Now: AARP.

Fourth Runner-up

Then: Being caught with Hustler magazine.

Now: Being caught by Hustler magazine.

Third Runner-up

Then: Killer weed.

Now: Weed killer.

Second Runner-up

Then: Hoping for a BMW.

Now: Hoping for a BM.

First Runner-up

Then: The Grateful Dead.

Now: Dr. Kevorkian.

And the winner:

Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint.

Now: Getting a new hip joint.

—————————————–

FOUR CATHOLIC MOTHERS are having coffee together.

The first one tells her friends, "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room,
everyone calls him ‘Father’."

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a Bishop. Whenever he walks into a
room, people say, ‘Your Grace’.

" The third Catholic woman says smugly, "My son is a Cardinal. Whenever he
walks into a room, people say, ‘Your Eminence’."

The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence. The first three women give her
this subtle "Well…..?" She replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6’2",
hard bodied stripper. When he walks into a room, people say, ‘Oh my God…’."

——————————————–

THE PIRATE

An able-bodied seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and they take turns recounting their
adventures at sea. Noting the pirate’s peg-leg, hook, and eye patch the seaman asks,
"So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?"

The pirate replies, "We was caught in a monster storm off the cape and a giant
wave swept me overboard. Just as they were pullin’ me out a school of sharks appeared and
one of ’em bit me leg off".

"Blimey!" said the seaman. "What about the hook"?

"Ahhhh…", mused the pirate, "We were boardin’ a trader ship, pistols
blastin’ and swords swinging’ this way and that. In the fracas me hand got chopped
off."

"Zounds!", remarked the seaman. "And how came ye by the eye patch?"

"A seagull droppin’ fell into me eye," answered the pirate.

"You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously.

"Well…" said the pirate, "..it was me first day with the hook.."

—————————————-

World’s Shortest books

25. MY PLAN TO FIND THE REAL KILLERS-by O J Simpson

24. THE ENGINEER’S GUIDE TO FASHION

23. TO ALL THE MEN I’VE LOVED BEFORE-by Ellen DeGeneres

22. THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN REALITY AND DILBERT

21. HUMAN RIGHTS ADVANCES IN CHINA

20. THINGS I WOULD NOT DO FOR MONEY-by Dennis Rodman

19. THE WILD YEARS-by Al Gore

18. AMELIA EARHART’S GUIDE TO THE PACIFIC OCEAN

17. AMERICA’S MOST POPULAR LAWYERS

16. CAREER OPPORTUNITIES FOR LIBERAL ARTS MAJORS

15. DETROIT – A TRAVEL GUIDE

14. DIFFERENT WAYS TO SPELL BOB

13. DR. KEVORKIAN’S COLLECTION OF MOTIVATIONAL SPEECHES

12. EASY UNIX

11. ETHIOPIAN TIPS ON WORLD DOMINANCE

10. EVERYTHING MEN KNOW ABOUT WOMEN

9. EVERYTHING WOMEN KNOW ABOUT MEN

8. FRENCH HOSPITALITY

7. GEORGE FOREMAN’S BIG BOOK OF BABY NAMES

6. HOW TO SUSTAIN A MUSICAL CAREER-by Art Garfunkel

5. MIKE TYSON’S GUIDE TO DATING ETIQUETTE

4. SPOTTED OWL RECIPES-by the EPA

3. STAPLE YOUR WAY TO SUCCESS

2. THE AMISH PHONE DIRECTORY

And the Number one World’s Shortest book:……

1. THE BOOK OF VIRTUES by Bill Clinton