Kudzu is green,

my dog’s name is Blue

And I’m so lucky

to have a sweet thang like you.

Yore hair is like cornsilk

A-flapping in the breeze.

Softer than Blue’s

And without all them fleas.

You move like the bass,

Which excite me in May.

You ain’t got no scales

But I luv you anyway.

You’re as graceful as okry

Jist a-dancin’ in the pan.

Yo’re as fragrant as SunDrop

Right out of the can.

You have all yore teeth,

For which I am proud;

I hold my head high

When we’re in a crowd.

On special occasions,

When you shave yore armpits,

Well, I’m in hawg heaven,

I’m plumb outta my wits.

And speakin’ of wits,

You’ve got plenty fer shore.

‘Cuz you married me

Back in ’74.

Still them fellers at work

They all want to know,

What I did to deserve

Such a purty, young doe.

Like a good roll of duct tape

Yo’re there fer yore man,

To patch up life’s troubles

And stick ’em in the can.

Yo’re as strong as a four-wheeler

Racin’ through the mud,

Yet fragile as that sanger

Named Naomi Judd.

Yo’re as cute as a junebug

A-buzzin’ overhead.

You ain’t mean like no far ant

Upon which I oft’ tread.

Cut from the best pattern

Like a flannel shirt of plaid,

You sparked up my life

Like a Rattletrap shad.

When you hold me real tight

Like a padded gunrack,

My life is complete;

Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.

Yore complexion, it’s perfection,

Like the best vinyl sidin’.

Despite all the years,

Yore age, it keeps hidin’.

And when you get old

Like a ’57 Chevy,

Won’t put you on blocks

And let grass grow up heavy.

Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie

With a RC cold drank,

We go together

Like a skunk goes with stank.

Some men, they buy chocolate

For Valentine’s Day;

They git it at Wal-Mart,

It’s romantic that way.

Some men git roses

On that special day

From the cooler at Kroger.

"That’s impressive," I say.

Some men buy fine diamonds

From a flea market booth.

"Diamonds are forever,"

They explain, suave and couth.

But for this man, honey,

These will not do.

For you are too special,

You sweet thang you.

I got you a gift,

Without taste nor odor,

Better than diamonds

it’s a new ridin’ mower.