A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door. He rolls over
and looks at his clock, and it’s half past three in the morning.

"I’m not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks,  and rolls over.
Then, a louder knock follows.

"Aren’t you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is man
standing at the door. It didn’t take the homeowner long to realize the man  was
drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push??"

"No, get lost. It’s half past three. I was in bed,"  says the man and
slams the door.

He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened and she says, "Dave, that
wasn’t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way
to pick the kids up from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man’s house to get
us started again? What would have happened if he’d told us to get lost??"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn’t matter," says the wife. "He needs our help and it would be
the Christian thing to help him."

So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the
door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, "Hey, do you still
want a push??"

And he hears a voice cry out, "Yeah please."

So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, "Where are you?"

And the stranger replies, "I’m over here, on your swing."

Waiting for A Blind Date

Fred got off the elevator on the 40th floor and nervously knocked on his blind date’s
door. She  opened it and to his amazement and joy, was as lovely and sweet as his
friend Michael had promised.

"I’ll be ready in a few minutes," she said. "Why don’t you play with
Ginger while you’re waiting? She  does wonderful tricks. She’ll roll over, shake
hands, sit up and if you make a hoop with your arms, like this, she’ll jump through."

The dog followed Fred out onto the balcony and started rolling over. Fred made a hoop
with his arms and sure enough, Ginger jumped right through — and over the balcony
railing…

Just then Fred’s date walked out.

"Isn’t little Ginger the cutest, happiest dog you’ve ever seen?"

"To tell the the truth," he replied, "she seemed a little depressed to
me."