Actual lines out of U.S. Military OERs (Officer Efficiency Report):

– Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.

– Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn’t watching.

– A room temperature IQ.

– Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.

– A prime candidate for natural deselection.

– Bright as Alaska in December.

– Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.

– So dense, light bends around him.

– If brains were taxed, he’d get a rebate.

– If he were any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.

– Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.

– Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

Actual excerpts from Royal Navy and Marines officer fitness reports:

– His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.

– I would not breed from this officer.

– He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.

– He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.

– This young lady has delusions of adequacy.

– This medical officer has used my ship to carry his genitals from port to port, and my
officers to carry him from bar to bar.

– Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.

– She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

– He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.

– Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.

– This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot