DR. SEUSS

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed
the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY

To die. In the rain.

GRANDPA

In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the
chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

ARISTOTLE

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX

It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSAIN

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons
of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN

What chicken?

KEN STARR

I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of
the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the
American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying
to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president’s ongoing and
elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason, my
staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully
with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other
side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations
have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked
information to the Reverend Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an
effort to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle
his feathers.)

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross
before you believe it?

FREUD

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your
underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES

I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs,
file your important documents, and balance your checkbook–and Internet Explorer is an
inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken?

Could you define chicken please?

COLONEL SANDERS

I missed one?