1. You try to enter your password on the microwave.

2. You haven’t played patience with real cards in years.

3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.

4. You e-mail your work colleague at the desk next to you to ask "Do you fancy
going down the pub?" and they reply "Yeah, give me five minutes".

5. You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, but you haven’t
spoken to your next door neighbour yet this year.

6. You buy a computer and a week later it is out of date.

7. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends is that they do not have e-mail
addresses.

8. You consider Royal Mail painfully slow or call it "snail mail".

9. Your idea of being organised is multiple coloured post-it notes

10. You hear most of your jokes via email instead of in person.

11. When you go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business
manner.

12. When you make phonecalls from home, you accidentally insert a "0" to get
an outside line.

13. You’ve sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different
companies.

14. Your company welcome sign is attached with Velcro.

15. Your CV is on a diskette in your pocket.

16. You really get excited about a 1.7% pay rise.

17. You learn about your redundancy on the 9 o’clock news.

18. Your biggest loss from a system crash is that you lose all your best jokes.

19. Your supervisor doesn’t have the ability to do your job.

20. Contractors outnumber permanent staff and are more likely to get long-service
awards.

21. Board members salaries are higher than all the Third World countries annual budgets
combined.

22. It’s dark when you drive to and from work, even in the summer.

23. You know exactly how many days you’ve got left until you retire.

24. Interviewees, despite not having the relevant knowledge or experience, terminate
the interview when told of the starting salary.

25. You see a good looking, smart person and you know it must be a visitor.

26. Free food left over from meetings is your staple diet.

27. The work experience person gets a brand-new state-of-the-art laptop with all the
features, while you have time to go for lunch while yours powers up.

28. Being sick is defined as you can’t walk or you’re in hospital.

29. You’re already late on the assignment you just got.

30. There’s no money in the budget for the five permanent staff your department is
short of, but they can afford four full-time management consultants advising your boss’s
boss on strategy.

31. Your boss’s favourite lines are:When you’ve got a few minutes…Could you fit this
in…?…in your spare time…when you’re freed up…I know you’re busy but…I have an
opportunity for you

32. Holiday is something you roll over to next year.

33. Every week another brown collection envelope comes round because someone you didn’t
know had started is leaving.

34. You wonder who’s going to be left to put into your ‘leaving’ collection.

35. Your relatives and family describe your job as "works with computers".

36. The only reason you recognise your kids is because their pictures are on your desk.

37. You only have makeup for fluorescent lighting.

38. You read this entire list, kept nodding and smiling.

39. As you read this list, you think about forwarding it to your "mates you send
jokes to" e-mail group.

40. It crosses your mind that your jokes group may have seen this list already, but you
can’t be bothered to check so you forward it anyway.

An Illinios man left the streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida.

His wife, on a business trip was planning to meet him the next day.

When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick e-mail.

Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did
his best to type it in from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter and his note was directed instead to an elderly
preacher’s wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.

When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a
piercing scream, and fell to the floor dead.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:

Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Your Loving Husband.

P.S: Sure is hot down here.