In Africa some of the native tribes have a custom of beating the ground with clubs and
uttering spine  chilling cries. Anthropologists call this a form of  primitive
self-expression….. In America we call  it golf.

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Five-year-old Becky answered the door when the census taker came by. She told the
census taker that her daddy was a doctor and wasn’t home because he was performing an
appendectomy. "My," said the census taker, "that sure is a big word for
such a little girl. Do you know what it means?" "Sure do! Fifteen-hundred bucks,
and that doesn’t even include the anesthesiologist!"

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Driving to work, a gentleman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in
front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving.
Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policemen stopped
traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks.

"I’m sorry sir," the first trooper told the driver, "but I am still
going to have to write you a ticket."

Amazed, the driver asked for what. The trooper replied, …"Tacks evasion."

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A New York boy was being led through the swamps of Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it
true that an alligator won’t attack you if you carry a flashlight ?"

The cousin smirked and replied, "Depends on how fast ya carry the
flashlight."