HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

1) Take off the 14 layers of clothing you slept in because there was a distinct chill
in the air at bedtime due to the temperature having dropped below 70 degrees.

2) Walk to the bathroom wearing a long robe & a towel on your head. If you see your
husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile turban
jokes and then rush to the bathroom.

3) Turn on the hot water only & let it run.

4) Look at your womanly figure in the mirror & stick out your gut so that you can
whine & complain even more about how you’re getting fat.

5) Get in the shower, once you have found it thru all that steam, and adjust the water
to a temperature slightly below its boiling point.

6) Look for face-cloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice
stone.

7) Wash your hair with Cucumber/Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

8) Rinse

9) Wash your hair again with Cucumber/Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

10) Rinse

11) Wash your hair once more with Cucumber/Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

12) Rinse

13) Condition your hair with Cucumber/Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus
oil. Leave on hair for fifteen minutes.

14) Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until skin is red
& raw.

15) Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut/Jaffa Cake.

16) Complain & wail bitterly/loudly when you realize your husband has once again
been eating your Ginger Nut/Jaffa Cake

17) Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least 15 minutes as you must make sure
that it has all come off).

18) Debate shaving armpits & legs & decide that you can’t be bothered, and
anyway, the hair helps keep you warm.

19) Slick hair back and pretend like you’re Bo Derek in the movie "10"

20) Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet (or turns on the sink) and you
get a rush of cold water.

21) Turn hot water on full and rinse off.

22) Dry with a towel the size of a small African country.

23) Check entire body for the remotest sign of a spot. Attack with nails &/or
tweezers if found.

24) Return to bedroom wearing a long robe & a towel on your head. If you see your
husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh immediately, ignore his juvenile turban
jokes and then rush to the bathroom.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN

1) If you wore clothes to bed last night, take them off while sitting on the edge of
the bed & leave them in a pile on the floor.

2) Walk to bathroom wearing a towel. If you see your wife along the way, flash her
& yell "Woo Hoo!"

3) Look at your manly physique in the mirror & suck in your gut to see if you have
pecs. (no)

4) Turn on the water.

5) Check quickly for pecs again. (no)

6) Get in the shower.

7) Don’t bother to look for a washcloth (you don’t use one)

8) Wash your face.

9) Wash your armpits.

10) Wash your body.

11) Shampoo your hair. (do not use conditioner)

12) Make a shampoo Mohawk.

13) Open the door & look at yourself in the mirror.

14) Close door

15) Snack on Ginger Nut/Jaffa Cake

16) Rinse off & get out of the shower