Jerry Falwell:

Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain
truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side."
That’s what "they" call it the "other side." Yes, my friends,
that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we
boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes
with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side." That chicken should not
be free to cross the road. It’s as plain and simple as that.

Pat Buchanan:

To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

Dr. Seuss:

Did the chicken cross the road?

Did he cross it with a toad?

Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!

Ernest Hemingway:

To die. In the rain.

Martin Luther King, Jr.

I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their
motives called into question.

Grandpa:

In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that
the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Aristotle:

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Karl Marx:

It was a historical inevitability.

Saddam Hussain:

This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons
of nerve gas on it.

Ronald Reagan:

What chicken?

Ken Starr:

I intend to prove that the chicken crossed the road at the behest of the president of
the United States of America in an effort to distract law enforcement officials and the
American public from the criminal wrongdoing our highest elected official has been trying
to cover up. As a result, the chicken is just another pawn in the president’s ongoing
and elaborate scheme to obstruct justice and undermine the rule of law. For that reason,
my staff intends to offer the chicken unconditional immunity provided he cooperates fully
with our investigation. Furthermore, the chicken will not be permitted to reach the other
side of the road until our investigation and any Congressional follow-up investigations
have been completed. (We also are investigating whether Sid Blumenthal has leaked
information to the Rev. Jerry Falwell, alleging the chicken to be homosexual in an effort
to discredit any useful testimony the bird may have to offer, or at least to ruffle his
feathers.)

Captain James T. Kirk:

To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder:

You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross
before you believe it?

Freud:

The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your
underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates:

I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs,
file your important documents, and balance your checkbook-and Internet Explorer is an
inextricable part of eChicken.

Einstein:

Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Bill Clinton:

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you
define chicken please?

The Bible:

And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken,"Thou shalt cross
the road." And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Colonel Sanders:

I missed one?