To smart women everywhere!

1. I’m not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb … and I also know that I’m not blonde. -Dolly Parton-

2. You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. -Erica Jong-

3. I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. -Rita Rudner-

4. I’ve been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. – Wendy Liebman-

5. Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth. – Erma Bombeck-

6. If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. – Sue Grafton-

7. I’m not going to vacuum ’til Sears makes one you can ride on. -Roseanne Barr-

8. I think, therefore I’m single. -Lizz Winstead-

9. When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping. Men invade another country. -Elayne Boosler-

10. Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. -Maryon Pearson-

11. I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn’t itch. -Gilda Radner-

12. In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. -Margaret Thatcher-

13. I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine marriage and a career. -Gloria Steinhem-

14. I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. -Marie Corelli-

15. Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths. -Baroness Edith Summerskill

16. If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck -Linda Ellerbee

17. I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor-