* Log on – Make the barbie hotter

* Log off – Don’t add any more wood

* Monitor – Keep an-eye on that barbie

* Download – Getting the firewood off the ute

* Floppy disc – What you get from trying to carry too much firewood

* Window – What to shut when it’s cold outside

* Screen – What to shut in the mosquito season

* Byte – What the mosquitos do

* Bit – What the mosquitos did

* Mega Byte – What the Townsville mosquitos do

* Chip – A bar snack

* Micro Chip – What’s left in the bag after you eat the chips

* Modem – What you did to the hay field

* Dot Matrix – Old Dan Matrix’s wife

* Laptop – Where the cat sleeps

* Software – The plastic knives and forks they give you at the Red Rooster

* Hardware – The real stainless steel cutlery

* Mouse – What eats the grain in the shed

* Mainframe – What holds the shed up

* Web – What a spider makes

* Web site – The shed or under the verandah

* Cursor – Someone who swears

* Search Engine – What you do when the ute won’t go

* Upgrade – Steep hill

* Server – The person at the hotel who brings the counter lunch

* Mail Server – The bloke at the hotel who brings the counter lunch

* Sound Card – The one that wins the hand of 500

* User – The neighbour who keeps borrowing stuff

* Network – When you have to repair your fishing net

* Internet – Complicated fish net repair method

* Netscape – When a fish manoeuvres out of reach

* Online – When you get the laundry hung out on the washing line

* Off line – When the clothes pegs let go and the washing falls on the ground

From "Consumer Choice" magazine (Ireland)

* State-of-the-art – Any computer you can’t afford

* Obsolete – Any computer you own

* Microsecond – The time it takes for your computer to become obsolete