(Sung to the tune of “Winter Wonderland”)

Doorbell rings, 

I’m not list’nin’, 

From my mouth, drool is glist’nin’, 

I’m happy — although 

My boss let me go — 

Happily addicted to the Web.

All night long, 

I sit clicking, 

Unaware time is ticking, 

There’s beard on my cheek, 

Same clothes for a week, 

Happily addicted to the Web!

Friends come by; they shake me, 

Saying, “Yo, man! 

Don’t you know tonight’s the senior prom?” 

With a listless shrug, 

I mutter; 

I say “No, man; 

I just discovered laugh-a-lot-dot-com!”

I don’t phone, don’t send faxes, 

Don’t go out, don’t pay taxes, 

Who cares if someday 

They drag me away?

 I’m happily addicted to the Web!

Happ-ilyyyyy, ad-dict-eeeed to the Weeeeeb!!! (Yeah!)