The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Imagination is the one weapon in the war against reality.

He who hesitates is not only lost, but miles from the next exit.

I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it.

I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs.

An intellectual snob is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger.

When I was fourteen years old, I was amazed at how unintelligent my father was. By the time I turned twenty-one, I was astounded how much he had learned in the last seven years.

There are two essential basic strategies for success in business: #1. Never reveal all you know.

All my life I’ve wanted to be somebody. But I see now I should have been more specific.

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.

A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ship’s are built for.

Blessed is the man who has nothing to say and refrains from giving evidence to that fact.

People always come up to me and say that my smoking is bothering them… Well, it’s killing me!

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.