In The Beginning, God created the Heaven and the Earth. And the Earth was without form. And darkness was upon the face of the earth. And the Devil said, “It doesn’t get any better than this.” And so God shed light upon the Earth and created Man and Woman in his own image. And God looked upon Man and Woman and saw that they were lean and fit. And God populated the earth with broccoli, and cauliflower, and spinach, and green and yellow vegetables of all varieties, so that Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives. And so the Devil created McDonald’s and KFC. And McDonald’s brought forth the 99c double cheeseburger. And the Devil said to Man, “You want fries with that?” And Man said, “Super size.” And Man gained five pounds. And so God created the healthy yogurt, that Woman might keep her youthful figure, but the Devil brought forth chocolate. And Woman gained five pounds. And God said, “Try my crispy fresh salad.” And the Devil responded by bringing forth Ben and Jerry’s ‘Chocolate Fudge Crunch’. And Woman gained 10 pounds. And God said, “Why doth thou eatest this unhealthy foodstuff? I have sent thee heart-healthy vegetables, and olive oil in which to cook them.” But the Devil brought forth chicken fried steak so large it needed its own platter. And Man gained 10 pounds. And his bad cholesterol went through the roof. And so God brought forth running shoes. And Man resolved to lose those extra pounds. And the Devil brought forth cable TV with remote control so Man would not have to toil to change channels between Sports and Movies. And Man gained another 20 pounds. And so God brought forth the potato, a vegetable naturally low in fat and brimming with nutrition. And the Devil peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the starchy center into chips and deep fried them. And then the Devil created sour cream dip to go with the potato chips. And Man clutched his remote control and ate the potato chips swathed in cholesterol. And the Devil saw this and uttered, “It is good.” And Man soon went into cardiac arrest. And God sighed, then created quadruple bypass surgery. And the Devil canceled Man’s health insurance coverage without notice. So God showed Woman how to peel the skin off chicken and cook nourishing whole grain brown rice. And the Devil created light beer so Man would destroy precious brain cells while feeling righteous because he was consuming fewer calories to attain an equivalent buzz. And Woman ventured forth Into the land of Godiva chocolate. And upon returning asked Man, “Do I look fat?” And the Devil told Man, “Always tell the truth.” And Man did so. And Woman went forth from the presence of Man and settled in the land of the divorce lawyer. And Man soon discovered the term pauper. And the Devil said, “It doesn’t get any better than this.”