Bert took his Saint Bernard to the vet. “Doctor,” he said sadly, “I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to cut off my dog’s tail.”

The vet stepped back, “Bert, why should I do such a terrible thing?”

“Because my mother-in-law’s arriving tomorrow, and I don’t want anything to make her think she’s welcome.”

~~~

* Happiness is seeing your mother-in-law’s face on the back of a milk carton.

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There were two good ol’ boys from Alabama who love to fish, and they wanted to do some ice fishing. They’d heard about it up in Canada, so they took off up there. The lake was frozen nicely. They stopped just before they got to the lake at a little bait shop and got all their tackle. One of them said, “We’re gonna need an ice pick.” So they got that, and they took off. In about two hours, one of them was back at the shop and said, “We’re gonna need another dozen ice picks.”

Well, the fellow in the shop wanted to ask some questions, but he didn’t. He sold him the picks, and the old boy left. In about an hour, he was back. Said, “We’re gonna need all the ice picks you’ve got.”

The bait man couldn’t stand it any longer. “By the way,” he asked, “how are you fellows doing?”

“Not very well a’tall,” he said. “We ain’t even got the boat in the water yet.”

~~~

Flying Birds

My dad was traveling down a Pennsylvania highway when he came across a construction zone (imagine that construction in PA!). He noticed a state trooper in his rear view mirror so he slowed down to the 45MPH speed limit in the zone.

Near the end of the construction area, he noticed a large black object flying towards his vehicle. He felt a slight bump and saw in his mirror that a large bird (possibly a turkey or crow) had hit him and was bounced right into the windshield of the state trooper.

The trooper immediately turned on his light and pulled my dad over. The trooper asked if my dad was hurt in anyway. My dad replied that he was OK and questioned the trooper about his condition. He replied, “I am OK, but I am going to have to give you a ticket.” My dad got upset and wanted to know why.

The trooper answered, “For flipping me the bird!”

True story! Hope you enjoyed it! ________________________________________________________

People will accept your idea much more readily if you tell them Benjamin Franklin said it first.