Physical exercise is good for you. I know that I should do it daily, but

my body doesn’t want me to do too much, so I have worked out this program of strenuous activities that do not require physical exercise. You are invited to use my program without charge.

1) Beating around the bush

2) Jumping to conclusions

3) Climbing the walls

4) Swallowing my pride

5) Passing the buck

6) Throwing my weight around

7) Dragging my heels

8) Pushing my luck

9) Making mountains out of molehills

10) Hitting the nail on the head

11) Wading through paperwork

12) Bending over backwards

13) Jumping on the bandwagon

14) Balancing the books

15) Running around in circles

16) Eating crow

17) Tooting my own horn

18) Climbing the ladder of success

19) Pulling out the stops

20) Adding fuel to the fire

21) Opening a can of worms

22) Putting my foot in my mouth

23) Starting the ball rolling

24) Going over the edge

25) Picking up the pieces

Happy Exercising!

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WHOSE HANDS?

A basketball in my hands is worth about $19

A basketball in Michael Jordan’s hands is worth about $33 million

It depends whose hands it’s in

A baseball in my hands is worth about $6.

A baseball in Mark McGuire’s hands is worth $19 million

It depends whose hands it’s in

A tennis racket is useless in my hands.

A tennis racket in Pete Sampras’ hands

is a Wimbledon Championship

It depends whose hands it’s in

A rod in my hands will keep away a wild animal

A rod in Moses’ hands will part the mighty sea

It depends whose hands it’s in

A sling shot in my hands is a kid’s toy

A sling shot in David’s hand is a mighty weapon.

It depends whose hands it’s in

Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in my hands

is a couple of fish sandwiches.

Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in God’s

hands will feed thousands

It depends whose hands it’s in

Nails in my hands might produce a bird-house

Nails in Jesus Christ’s hands will produce

salvation for the entire world.

It depends whose hands it’s in

As you see now it depends whose hands it’s in.

So put your concerns, your worries, your fears,

your hopes, your dreams, your families and

your relationships in God’s hands because…

It depends whose hands it’s in.

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WHAT MY MOTHER TAUGHT ME

My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE

“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside – I just finished

cleaning.”

My mother taught me RELIGION

“You better pray that comes out of the carpet”.

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL

“IF you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of

next week”.

My mother taught me LOGIC

“Because I said so, that’s why”.

My mother taught me FORESIGHT

“Make sure that you wear clean underwear in case you’re in an accident”.

My mother taught me IRONY

“Stop crying or I’ll give you something to cry about”.

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS

“Shut your mouth and eat your dinner”.

My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM

“Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!”.

My mother taught me about STAMINA

“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone”.

My mother taught me about WEATHER

“It looks as if a tornado went through you room”.

My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS

“If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen

then?”

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY

If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times – don’t exaggerate!”

My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE

“I brought you into this world and I can take you out”.

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION

“Stop acting like your father”.

My mother taught me about ENVY

“There are millions of less fortunate children in the world that don’t

have wonderful parents like you”.

Thanks Mum!