Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to God’s kids.

After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was: “Don’t.” “Don’t what?” Adam replied. “Don’t eat the forbidden fruit,” God said. “Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve…we got forbidden fruit!” “No way!” “Yes way!” “Don’t eat that fruit!” said God. “Why?” “Because I am your Father and I said so!” said God (wondering why he hadn’t stopped after making the elephants). A few minutes later God saw his kids having an apple break and was angry. “Didn’t I tell you not to eat the fruit?” God asked. “Uh huh, ” Adam replied. “Then why did you?” “I dunno” Eve answered. “She started it!” Adam said. “Did not!” “Did too!” “DID NOT!” Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you? Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: Take two and keep away from children. ____________________________________________________________

Late =-=-

By the time Ted arrived at the football game, the first quarter was almost over. “Why are you so late?” his friend asked.

“I had to toss a coin to decide between going to church and coming to the game.”

“How long could that have taken you?”

“Well, I had to toss it 14 times.”