Things teachers would love to write on students’ report card but can’t:

1. Since my last report, this student has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.

2. I would not allow this student to breed.

3. This student has delusions of adequacy.

4. This student sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.

5. This student is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.

6. This student has a “full 6-pack” but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together.

7. Student has been working with glue too much.

8. When the student’s IQ reaches 50, he/she should sell.

9. Student has a photographic memory but the lens cover is glued on.

10. “Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn’t coming.”

11. If this student was any more stupid, he’d have to be watered twice a week.

12. If you give this student a penny for his/her thoughts, you would get change.

13. It’s hard to believe this student beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.

14. Student is one neuron short of a synapse.

15. “The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.”

16. All is not lost this student could someday be on the Board of Education