Every “Hormone Hostage” knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in his hands. This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver’s license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend or significant other:

DANGEROUS: What’s for dinner? SAFER: Can I help you with dinner? SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing THAT? SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown. SAFEST: Wow! Look at you!

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about? SAFER: Could we be overreacting? SAFEST: Here’s fifty dollars.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that? SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left. SAFEST: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?

DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day? SAFER: I hope you didn’t overdo today. SAFEST: I’ve always loved you in that robe.