Senility Prayer

God grant me the senility to forget the people that I never liked anyway

and the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I am older (but refuse to grow up), here’s what I have

discovered;

1) I started out with nothing and I still have most of it

2) My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran

3) I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart

4) Funny, I don’t remember being absent minded

5) All reports are in; life is now officially unfair

6) If all is not lost, where is it?

7) It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser

8) Some days you’re the dog, some days you’re the hydrant

9) I wish the buck stopped here, I could sure use a few

10) Kids in the back seat cause accidents

11) Accidents in the back seat cause kids

12) It is hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere

13) Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you’re in the

bathroom

14) If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees

15) When I’m finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to

play chess

16) It’s not hard to meet expenses….. they’re everywhere

17) The only difference between a rut and the grave is the depth

18) These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter….. I

go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I’m here after

19) Unable to remember if I have mailed this to you or not and doubt if

you can either.